Woes
Not much has been going on around here. I don't have anything interesting to report or say, and lately I seemed to be consumed only by the fact we are leaving in two weeks. The boxes are piling up, my apartment is slowly losing our stamp, and every night I seem to sob uncontrollably. I know things won't be so bad when once we get into the swing of things, but the leaving thing, I just don't think I can do it. I keep imagining myself on the plane as it flies above Brooklyn, straining my eyes through the tears just so I can get one last look at the city. It's torture, and I really need to stop.
There are many things that I am looking forward to though. Our refrigerator broke a month ago and for the last month we have only been able to buy enough food to keep in this cooler. Unfortunately we have to replace the fridge before we leave, and believe me there are many other things I would prefer to spend that money on, especially since we won't be there to enjoy it. 
But in reality, what we did have wasn't much bigger. An under the counter fridge seemed like a great idea for the space, but the icebox that only holds a couple of pint size Ben & Jerry's will not be missed.
And of course a nursery, or at this point a bedroom for Luke. I do admit I love waking up to his smile every morning, but being able to read a book in bed, or not having to tiptoe to bed in the dark will be oh so nice. And just a place, not in the living room, for all of his toys. We kept his toys to a minimum, until this Christmas. They all fit too nicely inside the cabinet, so nicely that I never wanted to take them out. It takes at least 15 minutes to carefully arrange them just to shut the door. But now, his Christmas is still all over the living room floor. And my only solution is a moving box.
And a parking spot. It has been so nice to have a car here, to not feel trapped in the city, but a driveway, or even a garage, life would be so much easier. I have become quite a pro at parallel parking, but that's not the worst part about it. The street sweeping 4x's a week. I have to move my car four different times just so the city can attempt to keep the streets tidy. And then trying to find a spot, or double parking for the hour and a half, only to move it back. And driving home at night, circling around and around for a half an hour just to find a spot four blocks away. Oh the things everyone takes for granted.
And honorable mentions. The tiny tiny bathroom with the tiny cabinet that everything falls out of every time I open it. The three cupboards I have for all of my food,dishes, bowls, etc. I can't wait to shop at Costco and be able to buy something that I can have room for longer than a week. A table. Something we can sit at for dinner that doesn't face the wall. A place for my sewing machine that isn't on the same 12 inch wide counter I eat at. My machine needs a weekly clean from the my nightly food splatters. A closet that actually fits my clothes. I like to purge, but I have to practically get rid of something to buy something.
But these are all really my sorry attempts to help me feel good about moving. In reality, we all sacrifice these things to live here. Some days it's worth it and other days its not. I guess I will have to re-read this post every time I get sad. And when I just can't take it, I'll go on holiday.
Monday, January 14, 2008 at 9:37AM
Reader Comments (17)
I didn't realize you guys were leaving so soon. I need to get on the ball and email you some more houses. That would be hard to leave behind a life that you have built for your family in such a fun city. Although, I am really really excited to have your family here. I do understand how you would be really sad just from reading your posts about all the fun things you have had the pleasure of doing.
Hi! I've been looking at your blog all weekend, admiring all your handiwork. I'm so impressed with your sewing. (I'm still a bit cowed by the whole process.) Anyhow, if you see an IP looking at EVERY SINGLE POST, it's probably me. :D
Moving is the hardest thing to do. Especially leaving a place you love. I know that feeling and there aren't words that will soothe. Just know you're not alone.
(it probably doesn't need saying, but I'm loving your blog.)
Wait a minute! You guys are leaving? I feel so out of the loop! I knew it was a consideration, but are you sure you need to leave? I thought you would come and live in my building???
I am sad - can we get together at least once before you go!!
looks like you've got the best perspective possible considering the situation. as someone who has spent a larger chunk of my life wishing to be closer to the action of the city, I can understand the longing.
but I've made peace and the good news is that along with the garage, you may find that the move will provide you with some great opportunities for growth in areas you hadn't expected.
best wishes!
I didn't realize that you are leaving so soon. I feel for you! On our flight out of nyc I cried the entire way.
You are going to be very happy in your new home and all the benefits of living out of the city. But I'll warn you now, you will miss your city life desperately! Even almost three years (THREE YEARS!!) later I still have days where I wish I could go back. But you go on an build your life again. Bloom where you are planted, you know? I truly believe that you can be happy anywhere. It's a choice.
Good luck with the move. I hope it goes smoothly for you. I wish I could be there to help and give you a hug.
I always have a hard time saying goodbye to one phase of my life no matter how good the next part will be... I am sentimental like that. I thought that I would be MORE than happy to quit my job to have a baby... but now that the time has come I am mourning the loss of my working days... am I crazy or what!? (I haven't had the baby yet... just quit the job).
Good luck with everything!! What is the exact horrible day that you are leaving? I wonder if I can get down there one last time before you go!! :(
-Hillary
good luck with the move, alysha! i'm sure you're sad to go, but you've got so many good friends in ny now that i'm sure you've got a free place to stay whenever you want to go back. and you won't have to worry about your car getting stolen (most likely!) anymore!!
Ah! Moving is no fun. It sounds like you've had an amazing experience in NY despite the inconveniences. Good luck with everything. I am excited to see where you end up.
Oh I know how you feel about leaving a city you have fallen in love with. When we left San Fran, it was the hardest move ever. I still miss it dearly, but our living conditions are much better and AZ isn't so bad. Miss you.
You'll miss your friends Alysha.. I mean REALLY miss them.. I miss them still, almost every day. But I don't miss my little apartment, and pushing the stroller through the snow, and carrying my groceries up three flights of stairs, and fighting for a parking spot, and always having to keep an eye on my kids at the park every single minute...
There's something so COOL about living in Brooklyn. But if you could see Cash playing with his cousins or Ruby singing songs on my mom's lap.. I think there's something equally COOL about living near your family. It's really amazing.
Ahhh, I was going to cry reading all of these posts giving Leesh more reasons to hate leaving New York, but I enjoyed the last part of Brooke's post, even if Lukey only has cousins on one side & that side isn't the Smith side. I know you are going to hate leaving the life you have built here (or there). It makes me so sad to think of you leaving all your many friends and the memories you & your family created. Hell, I'm going to miss visiting. But I hope somehow, someway, it won't be as bad as it seems right now. If I could package your friends up & gift wrap them to you, I would, I'd even let them run around my room, naked (that's for the Riches), just so you'd feel more at home.
It is not goodbye forever. I just wish I could do something to make it so you weren't so sad.
Sorry to hear you are so saddened, but it's just another place to live. There are good people where ever you go. It's all about what you make of it. And you can always go back for a visit.
I think it's so sad that you're leaving- but I can see the pluses too. Now we will have to rely on other sources for Brooklyn happenings! I always thought that your kind of life out there seemed so perfect for your stage of life. Well at least you will always have a good place to visit and people to see! Good Luck Alysha!
I am amazed at all the wisdom flowing through this blog. Not only are you trying to stay positive but your friends have some awesome advice. Though your location will change the friendships that you have built will last a life time. How fortunate to have things such as blogs, e-mails, phones, and planes. You were blessed to have such a wonderful experience in NY/Brooklyn and that is because of your efforts to enjoy life as it came. You have many wonderful memories - including being homeless for a year - giving birth to a beautiful baby - managing people - the fine dining - Canal Street (I will miss that! Do you think your friends will let me come and stay with them when I need some new watches or scarves?) Not only did you have a great time but so did we. I had never been to NY and probably never would have - had you not moved there. I feel your pain because it is your kind of life. Not everyone gets the chance to enjoy such experiences and you have recorded the majority of them - for all of us to enjoy! Though trite as it may seem there are new opportunities awaiting you - and you know that. Change is hard - and that's coming from one who prefers to stagnate rather than grow. The timing is right and with your perspective on life this change will be good although not necessarily easy. There are new friends to make and new places to see and knowing you it won't take long!
We love you and unfortunately we are super excited to have you return to Utah...but I'm trying to hold my excitement. I can't wait to see Luke hold out his arms and yell Tara - at least the way he says it. I'm a bit jealous he prefers his grandpa to me...but maybe that might change when I bake him cookies and treats and he only gets cheese and crackers from grandpa!
Mom
P.S. It's okay to feel so bad about leaving - you've embraced all that you possibly could and loved it all and letting go is extremely difficult.
Sorry, but I'm not going to be one of these people here giving you positive encouragement and helping you see the bright side. I mean, this is just 100% awful. I can't stand it. You are moving on to new and exciting things...and leaving behind so many of us who love you dearly. You are my NY family. This little handful of dear friends is the first thing I loved about life here. Friendships I've never experienced before. Completely irreplaceable. I'm crying already and will be for a long time.
ahh I got behind.
My feeling is... I can't wait to pull Luke around the block in the wagon. We do that most times Ma Bean is watching him. I like to think he knows that.
What are you going to name this blog now?
Sugarhouse Bean?
Salt Lake Bean?
SLC Bean?
Antelope Island Bean?
Just doesn't have the same ring to it. Maybe you should stay.